Mother and daughter reach goals together

By KAYLEY MENDENHALL Chronicle Staff Writer

At age 18, Julie Shively didn't necessarily think it would be cool to attend college at Montana State University at the same time as her mom.

"It was kind of weird," Shively, now 23, said. "I was getting out of high school thinking, 'Oh great, I'll have classes with my mom.'"

But a little more than four years later, Shively is proud to be celebrating Mother's Day weekend with her mom, Leslie Pernak, by marching to "Pomp and Circumstance" and collecting their diplomas.

Shively received her degree in media and theater arts Saturday; Pernak received a degree in nursing.

Because the two Bozeman women studied such different fields, they never had a class together. But Shively did take a nutrition class based on her mom's recommendation -- and used her notes.

"For four years we've been able to talk about school. We've had finals at the same time. We've had papers due at the same time," Shively said. "It's nice that we're finishing together. We're both here for each other's graduation."

And now that school is over, mother and daughter are both moving on.

Shively is moving with her husband to Los Angeles to try to break into the film industry, hoping to do editing or cinematography.

Pernak, 49, and her second husband -- who have been living in Missoula for two years while she finished her nursing training -- are moving to Michigan. She will work as an emergency room nurse and he'll attend physician assistant school.

The graduation festivities this weekend, including a big party with a band at a barn outside of town, marked the last big get-together for Pernak and her five children before Mom heads east.

And it's fitting that graduation fell on Mother's Day weekend, giving the family a chance to celebrate their mom in more ways than one.

"She's a great mom," said Jerry Pernak, Leslie's husband. "Somehow she was able to juggle her work, her school, her kids and do everything wonderfully. She's a super mom."

A long road

Leslie Pernak's life has largely been defined by her role as a mother of five.

But those children have grown into adults and Pernak is starting a new chapter.

Her oldest daughter Erin, 26, is married and teaches elementary school in Bozeman; Julie is married and moving away; Elaine, 21, is working and doing bronze sculptures; Caleb, 19, is studying computer science at MSU; and Nathan, 17, is about to graduate from high school in California.

She admires every single one of them, she said.

"I am thrilled," with the adults my children have become, she said. "I have heard other mothers, especially if they have a lot of kids, say, 'I'm so sad they are growing up.' Not me. I'll have grandkids."

Right out of high school in 1972, Pernak attended a technical school in California to learn to be a dental assistant. She worked for an oral surgeon for four years before marrying her first husband.

"I wasn't encouraged that much to go to college," Pernak said. "It was more the 'marry-well-and-have-kids' idea, which was fine with me. That's sort of what I wanted to do."

Her first husband worked in the film industry in California, but the couple moved to Bozeman in 1986 so their kids would have a better life. He continued to work on movies during those years and traveled a lot.

"Essentially when it came right down to it I was left alone raising the kids on a day-to-day level," Pernak said. "I certainly don't want to cut him short. He did what he felt he needed to do. We divorced in 1996. It was my decision, because the situation just wasn't right."

Growing up, Shively said she remembers her mom running her and her siblings from one activity to another, always encouraging them to follow their individual interests.

"I guess when you're a kid, you don't think about the sacrifices your mom had to make," Shively said. "I never thought, 'What would my mom want to do?'"

Education a family affair

For years, the idea of going back to school was in the back of Pernak's mind.

But after her divorce, when her youngest child was about 9 years old, she went back to work. She got a job as a dental assistant in Dr. Larry Pendelton's office.

"She had been a stay-at-home mom raising five kids and came to work for us in 1996," said Elaine Dincau, Pendelton's office manager.

Although it had been more than 20 years since Pernak had worked as a dental assistant in California, Dincau said with a little training she fell right back into the work and did an excellent job.

While working there, she took an emergency-medical-technician training course, where she met Jerry Pernak. The two of them were married in 1999.

It was encouragement from Jerry and her oldest daughter, Erin, that prompted Pernak to quit her job and go back to school in 2000.

"I think she just she wanted to do more than what she was doing," Dincau said. "We missed her when she left, but we sure were proud of her."

But the decision to start the MSU nursing program wasn't easy for a woman in her mid-40s who hadn't taken a class in nearly 30 years. Despite her mother's reservations, Erin, who was attending MSU at the time, told Pernak that professors want students to do well and pushed her to sign up for an entry-level communications class.

She did.

"She is so smart and having a degree, she'll be able to go places with that degree," Jerry Pernak said. "It was important for her to get a formal education."

Jerry, who was a former marketing professional, decided to go back to school, too. He took pre-med courses at MSU for two years alongside Pernak.

Then, when Pernak had to move to Missoula to finish her degree, he postponed his education in order to go with her. They sold the Springhill-area house where Leslie had raised her kids and moved with her sons to student housing in Missoula.

Then things got really tough. During their time in Missoula, both of Leslie Pernak's parents passed away and Jerry was diagnosed with a rare form of sinus cancer. He's had surgery, radiation and chemotherapy in the past year.

And this spring, Leslie fell down some stairs and broke her leg.

"She continued with school despite all the hardships she went through with her mom and dad dying the second to last semester. She broke her leg and dealing with my cancer," Jerry Pernak said. "You've got to be a super person to do all that."

Now that her mom has become a nurse, Shively said the career seems like the perfect choice.

"She kind of was a nurse to us," she said. "I think she has good experience to be a nurse, dealing with us and all of our injuries. She raised five kids. She can do anything after that."

Including, moving on.

Shively said she knows that even though they are moving in opposite geographic directions, she and her mom are still on the same path.

"We are both doing this together again -- moving to a new city, starting a new life at the same time," she said.

Ultimately, Pernak said she hopes her story will inspire other older women to return to school.

"I hope I influenced one or two to believe in themselves," she said. "If I can do it, anybody can do it."

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